Louder for the mom entrepreneurs in the back!!
You have kids.
You run a home based business.
And a home.
With little humans there.
At the same time.
You are probably also a school house right now.
Trying to match your business model with the 50+ yr old male entrepreneur who has been hustling and grinding for the last two decades away from home isn't doing you any favors.
Nor is taking in every bit of advice on what you "should" be doing in your day and business as gospel truth and the "way" to your dreams.
No girl. Your life is already happening. Honor it.
Scheduling yourself or expecting things to be done like you are someone else living a different life isn't helping you.
Now you might say, but I'm trying to work toward my life looking different, shouldn't I be taking action like I am that person?
Unless that life doesn't include your family and home or your business, then pretending it doesn't when you plan your business model and daily schedules isn't setting you up for that future you want.
It either keeps you giving up on your business because it doesn't align with family life, or giving up on your family while building up your business.
Now, maybe that's not a problem for you, but I am guessing it wasn't what you originally signed up for.
Business and being a mom only compete and sacrifice each other when we don't build lives and businesses that compliment each other.
I teach mom entrepreneurs how to do just this. In a way that aligns with them, their life, their goals. In real sustainable, actionable ways.
DM if you would like to learn more....
Just your friendly reminder.
Not sure where we got this idea that we had to beat ourselves up in order to kick our butts into gear to do what we really want to do, but lets just bury it.
Cause it's not true.
In fact the opposite is true.
You are human.
Humans generally don't want to do things that feel hard. Or uncomfortable or maybe painful.
We are literally designed this way on purpose!
So when your brain serves you up excuses or judgments about yourself, just notice them.
Notice your brain doing what it is designed to do.
Then remind it that the real pain and discomfort comes from dreams not realized and staying stuck and that it's not avoiding pain, it's just prolonging it.
Then do what you committed to yourself to do and remind yourself you are already good enough and worthy as is.
You just want the result of growth. No biggie....
Some moms think they just can't be consistent. No matter how hard they try.
They believe they just lack motivation, follow through...
They just aren't a "committed person" or a "consistent person"
Even if they really want whatever they're working towards.
They believe life is just too unpredictable for consistency and they are just too tired. I mean have you met a toddler?
But that isn't necessarily the reason.
And there is nothing wrong with you if you have had trouble with consistency before.
If you want to understand more about why we do these things and what you can do to help yourself overcome inconsistency, or just to make it easier on yourself...
the Balanced and Free Mom Boss Podcast is a great resource for that.
P.S. Episodes 20, and 24-29 are all great episodes to dive into.
Link to podcast is in the profile. ⬆️...
One of the things I teach my clients is intentional flexibility.
This is different approach to flexibility than I see often taught.
It's not a free pass to get out of doing something we didn't really want to do.
Or when we didn't plan well.
It's also not beating ourselves up when things don't happen quite like we had planned.
I truly believe that mom entrepreneurs play by a different set of rules.
One where intentional flexibility is baked in and accounted for.
Where we can honor ourselves and our plans, but also allow for life to happen unexpectedly. And have compassion for ourselves and others when it does.
Because you never know when a toddler is going to throw a 45 minute fit because they don't like the color blue anymore.
It's not an excuse when things feel hard.
And it's never a reason to beat yourself up.
If want to learn more about intentional flexibility and what it really is and how to use it DM me and we can chat....
I'd known what it was for awhile, but I didn't know it had a name until a few months ago.
It's the belief that everything should be positive and feel good all the time.
It's the rainbow band-aid slapped over a gaping wound.
It's the urgency to rush out of negative emotion. To pretend it's not there or at least brush past it quickly to something better - quickly.
At a hard time in my life, I had a friend who while well intentioned wanted and needed me to be positive all the time.
She would metaphorically try to slap rainbow band aids on me and be upset with me when it didn't "fix" me.
She wanted to be the one to fix me.
I resented her thinking I needed fixing.
The friendship wasn’t healthy and neither of us actually felt very positive about each other 😣 irony.
So what WAS the answer?
Fully processing the negative. Allowing it without resistance. Then opening up to the fact that positive and negative can and do co-exist.
And ignoring, indulging or resisting either just make it all that more intense. That's when we ride an emotional roller coaster.
You can love motherhood and still want to be alone.
You can be happy with what you have and still desire more.
You can be happy and sad - at the same time.
You are human. It's meant to be this way. Nothing has gone wrong....
Your beliefs about you being successful in any area of your life come from a collection of thoughts.
What success is, is totally up to you.
You get to define it.
You get to decide if you've reached it.
It's all just subjective thoughts and meaning we assign ourselves.
What thoughts and beliefs do you have about success?
What will it look and feel like when you have achieved it?
Are these your thoughts or someone elses?
All great questions to ask ourselves.
You get to decide....
It can feel tough when we feel like we don't have the support we would like or need.
When we carry a burden that feels too heavy.
When it seems the only answer is to get another person to be a little different.
That in itself is a burden. An impossible one in my opinion.
Luckily, there is another way to get the support we desire and to feel better about it all.
And you don't have to manipulate or change spouses in order to get it.
Good news right?
I go into depth over this entire topic in this weeks podcast episode and next weeks.
Broken up over two weeks cause it's that important of a topic and there is a lot to be said.
You can give it a listen at Balanced and Free Mom Boss Podcast - link is in the profile bio....
Do you ever find yourself thinking that what you are doing isn't good enough?
Or that you should be doing more?
Or stuck in that place where you believe you have to take big action, but time, energy or bravery to do it just isn't there yet?
Do you dismiss small action in your life but struggle to be consistent with big action?
Like a project, or an exercise routine, a business launch, self-care or quality family time?
Here's the good news. That's all totally normal.
And the solution isn't as daunting as it may seem.
I dive deeper into this in 🎙️Episode 29: "Small Action Counts" on the Balanced and Free Mom Boss Podcast
⬆️Link to podcast is in the profile....
Really think about that for a second. 🤔
Are there areas in your own life where this could be true?
When everything needs to be done, and you are the one that needs ( or are the only one willing ) to do it, how do you divide your time?
How do you decide? 🤷♀️
Is it just by putting out whatever fire is burning brightest in the moment?
If you have ever wanted to figure out how to decide where to spend your time for the most effectiveness, intentionality and impact for what truly is most important to you and what you are trying to achieve, then
🎙️Episode 28: "Essentialism and Figuring Out What You Should Be Doing"
on the Balanced and Free Mom Boss Podcast
is a good one to dive deeper into.
⬆️ Link to podcast is in my profile. You can also search the podcast name wherever you listen to your podcasts....
You know what works for you, your family, your business and your goals and dreams.
And what doesn't.
Don't let the voices of what others think you should or shouldn't do over shadow your own.
The "how" doesn't have to look a certain way to be valuable.
Episode 27: " Productivity Guilt and Being Enough"
on the Balanced and Free Mom Boss Podcast. Link is in profile bio....
😵 It's no wonder why moms and specifically mom entrepreneurs are drained and exhausted.
Craving just a little "me time"💓🕑
If this is you, todays podcast episode was made just for you.
Go check out🎙️ Episode 29: "Small Action Counts" on the Balanced and Free Mom Boss Podcast.
↖️ You can find the podcast at the link in my profile or a quick search wherever you listen to your podcasts....
Your value and worth is set.
Your to-do list does not make you more than or less than.
Your abilities or lack of talent do not make you more or less valuable or worthy.
Being busy is not the same as being effective. Don't get them confused.
Even then - none of it makes you more or less of anything.
It simply shapes how you experience your life.
You are already good enough. You are already worthy enough. You are already loveable enough. You are already valuable beyond comprehension.
Stop looking for your worth. It's been with you the whole time.
Want to go deeper on this topic? Check out Episode 27: "Productivity Guilt and Being Enough" on the Balanced and Free Mom Boss Podcast.
Link to podcast is in my Instagram profile, or you can search wherever you listen to your podcasts. 💛...
Please. Please. It's okay to make things easier on yourself.⠀
With mindset. With systems. With physical help. With boundaries. With coaching. With training your brain.⠀
You are allowed.⠀
Life is never ALL rainbows and unicorns. But it doesn't always have to feel like a dumpster fire either.⠀
If you want or need the help - just get it. ⠀
You are not alone....
Have you ever wondered this?⠀
If thoughts are the creators of our experience in our life, then how do you know the difference of when you should actually do something different in your life vs when you should just work on your thinking?⠀
It's a question that came up in a coaching call and to be honest, with 2020 one that I have thought myself a few times.⠀
So here is where I think the answer is. I could be wrong, but it's for you to decide.⠀
When you no longer believe that your new circumstance will give you what you are looking for.⠀
When you can create what you are looking for in your current circumstance and you still would like something different.⠀
What I mean is:⠀
If you want to move to be happy. Be happy where you are and then move.⠀
If you want to quit something because you are stressed. Lessen your stress and then decide to quit or not. ⠀
In essence change your thinking to get your desired feeling you think the new circumstance will give you, and then decide if you still want the new circumstance.⠀
Then you aren't changing circumstances thinking it will fix you, only to bring you to the new circumstance and realize it wasn't the problem.⠀
You can want change simply because you want it. Nothing wrong with it. Just don't use it as a sneaky fix for something you aren't wanting to take the time to actually work on. ⠀
Just my thoughts on it. Feel free to use it in your life or disagree with me.⠀
Do you ever find yourself thinking " when [ fill in the blank] finally happens I will finally be ....
We don't think we are entitled to those feelings in advance. That "thing" being accomplished is the thing that gives us those feelings.
But it is not true- sorry to say. The process of getting to that point is where it all comes together.
Learning how to be happy, successful, healthier, more in control, feeling secure or free.
So don't bury yourself in the accomplishing that you forget to learn the thing you are really searching for.
Find the joy in the process you guys, or the accomplishment will never feel finished or enough....
I don’t do the follow, unfollow. The optimized hashtags, the newest features, tagging hot spot locations, jumping on viral trends or spend hours creating content or engaging.
I sit down once a month and I think about you guys. Really think.
What could really help someone to hear or learn right now?
Then I make my posts and schedule them on an automated calendar and add a thoughtful caption.
It’s not edgy, or catchy and it doesn’t follow any of Instagrams golden rules for engagement.
I come on and talk to people for just a few minutes a day.
Not because I don’t care, but because this page (as counter productive as it sounds) is not about me.
Sure, I show you glimpses of my life every now and then, but for the most part it is all focused on you.
It’s here to help and tell you where to find even more help. It is not the main place for my business, it’s an extension of it. And having boundaries on how I spend my time on it is crucial to my own success and health.
So yeah. I don’t do Instagram “right”, but I do it right for me.
So maybe the algorithm isn’t a fan of mine, but I hope you are and that you find value here 💛💛...
But do you?
Do you wear busy as a badge of honor and beat yourself up when your to-do list has still got most it's items left on it?
It's a common problem mom entrepreneurs face.
The guilt and shame if family time takes too much of your work productivity time, and vice versa.
You tell yourself you "aren't a good mom", or you "won' t/ can't be successful" or that you "just need to get it together already!"
Which leads to burn out. Overwhelm. Insecurity. Frustration. All or nothing cycles etc.
What you do with your time isn't nearly as important as being intentional with it.
Did you intend to binge watch Bridgerton? Or work late into the night? Or be so busy that you know you've been home with your kids all day but feel like you didn't have any quality time with them?
Feeling guilty and telling yourself the whole time you "should" be doing something else?
Intention looks like purposefully taking a break with your favorite tv show (without having to fold laundry) and turning it off when the break is over. Did you know you are allowed to do that?
Intention is setting your work hours (however much or little) and committing to the end result of that time. The completed result is more important than the time taken to do it.
Intention is taking time to connect with your kids.
And not thinking that there is anything else in the world that you should be doing instead because you know you have created time for what needs to be done.
You don't need to be busy. Or less busy. You just need some more intention.
You can get even more of this topic on this weeks podcast episode "Productivity Guilt"
on the 🎙️ Balanced and Free Mom Boss Podcast.
You can find the link in my profile.
Pretending you aren't thinking or believing what you really are:
pushing it away
covering it up with pretty thoughts
Judging your thoughts when you are exploring and aware of them:
I'm a bad person for thinking this
I should know better
That is terrible of me
Are equally unproductive.
You are not your thoughts. They can only hurt you unchecked. You are not a bad person.
You are a human being. With a human brain. Doing what it is designed to do.
Your job is to learn how to overcome what your brain does on it's natural default when your natural default is not serving you. When it's sabotaging you. When it keeps you stuck. When it leaves you in destructive patterns.
When it leaves you unable to be your higher self.
When you are unable to be the mom, business owner, woman, daughter, sister, friend, wife- that you really want to be.
Nothing has gone wrong. It's all a part of the process. But ignoring it or shaming yourself for your thoughts is only going to make it worse.
Save your judgment for your favorite Bravo tv show. 🤭😂
Everything you have ever done in your life you didn't know how to do.
Until you did.
Read that again.
Have you had that thought before? " I don't know if I can do this because I never have before"? Or find yourself looking to your past to decide what you can or can't do now?
It's pretty common. A very human and normal thing to do. BUT still majorly can hold us back.
If you want get into more on this topic episode 25:
"End Self Sabotage From Your Future Self"
on the 🎙️ Balanced and Free Mom Boss Podcast is a great on for this topic and what you can do about it.
Link to the podcast is found in my profile or you can search wherever you listen to your podcasts. 📲...
"It's supposed to be hard."
Seems true enough. Maybe an innocent observation or fact.
YES. Doing things that challenge us CAN feel hard.
But do you know the difference of when it's hard simply because it's something your getting used to doing and that takes time to adjust and learn
unintentionally (or intentionally) making it harder on yourself because of the way you are thinking?
It's the difference in working out a muscle vs running yourself into a brick wall.
Training a muscle feels hard until the muscle learns to adapt and it gets faster, stronger and more efficient. aka - easier.
Running into a brick wall never gets easier.
Only problem? We rarely are able to see our own brick walls.
Coaching helps us identify our brick walls and ways around them. Especially causal mindset coaching. Which is coaching focused on the root cause and it's unintentional results.
If you are ready for this consider a coach. One that can help you with your specific needs. You are worth the investment.
Even if it's not me, I don't even care - just get someone that can help YOU with your brick walls. Because you deserve for things to be a little easier.